My parents have always had a caustic relationship with each other. There was no common respect or courtesy that I remember seeing. There may have been love back in the day, many years ago but that turned to fear and insecurity. They always treated us ok, not much discipline and very fuzzy boundaries, but we knew we were loved.
My relationship with my mom is the best it's ever been. I now understand where she was, and that she was lost our whole childhood. She did the best she could. My father was/is and alcoholic and she always wondered how it was going to be when he would come home. Some days he'd be fun loving and funny and other aggressive and hostile. She did her best to protect us. I love her for that! and I understand more now. Protecting your children becomes your whole existence, everything you do. She did her best and I love her for that.
Our relationship now is great. If a little strained because of choices she was forced to make concerning my sister. I've always felt she was the "favored" sister but now I know she was the one who needed/needs more help than I ever did or do. I have a pretty good head on my shoulders and my sister, well her head would fall off if it wasn't securely fastened with bone, muscle and her spinal column. She needs help, to get her shit together. When I met my husband, I moved 3 hrs away to be with him. We now live an hour and a half away from home and it's perfect. I do miss my mom A LOT!
My relationship with my dad is just there. I love my dad so much but avoid him a lot to avoid the drunk part of him I hate. I avoid calling him because I'm never sure if he'll be drunk and loud, or just acting crazy and not making much sense. I do enjoy talking to and spending time with him when he's sober. He is such a nice guy, until that first drops of his poison touches his lips. It's like a switch. He smells it and turns into a crazy lunatic. I am very thankful for him because I learned from him. I will not drink because I don't want to be like him. My children love their grandfather too, but have started to notice how often grandpa drinks. I do keep praying for him. and loving him and that's all I can do. I can't make him want to stop drinking, I can't guilt him into not drinking. I can only realize that I am not the cause and avoid it when it's happening.