Thursday, August 9, 2012

Day 2 of 30 day challenge. Biggest fears

Day 2: Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and describe how they became fears.

This could be a deep subject for me. I saw my therapist today and came to a conclusion that I've always known, yet denied. I will not share that as of now. Maybe some day. We'll start with # 1.

One of my biggest fears is drowning. When I was a little girl (4ish) I went on a canoe ride with my dad. It was a beautiful day in Maine, dad and I headed out, as we were out there a sudden storm popped up and capsized the canoe. Thankfully I had a floatation device and dad could swim well. 

Another fear of mine, that I share with Brayden, is thunderstorms. Just the word gives me stomach cramps and anxiety. I remember being a child and a severe thunderstorm would pop up, with a tornado warning usually, my dad would pile us all in our car and race to the highway bridge. He said the safest place to be was under the bridges. Now I often worry we don't have a basement. I do remember one tornado that touched down a few miles from our house in Sanford, on Cheese Factory rd.

My third biggest fear is causing irrepairable damage to my young children's soul. I have not had the best childhood, was never rich, we always struggled. I knew my parents loved me but I had no boundaries, no real discipline. My dad was an over the road truck driver, my mom a SAHM who was terrified of my dad. My dad was, and still is, a severe alcoholic. I never knew how things were going to go. Would he be mean? Would he be funny? A jerk, or fun loving? I try to set boundaries for my children, require good behavior, try to be gentle and loving. I don't like to spank or hit them. I want them to respect me and me to respect them. I want to do right by them. 

I have many more fears, but I fear they would be too deep for a blog post. However it may have passed into deeply emotional at #1...

1 comment:

  1. Ooh, those are not good fears. I think you are a wonderful mother and, as mother's, all we can do is our best. The moms that fear we will mess our kids up, I think, do the best to rear because we live to make our kids strive.